I don't want to change the world, I just want to leave it colder.

I'm not sure how to say all this, it's been too long since I last updated (computer problems) so much has happened; all of it important...

Last weekend I stayed with a friend (Paloma), she lives in Stroud and I don't get to see her often enough, while I was there it snowed; Paloma went crazy (imagine a seven year old on more E-numbers than you've had hot dinners...*.*) throwing herself on the bed and screaming with delight...

I have plans to be part the March March against the tuition fees increases, I will probably be causing trouble, that should be a load of fun...

now I see it it doesn't seem so much but it certainly seemed it...

putting the Earth First!

(it IS a safe link)

it's a link the website of a DA group called 'Earth First!'- Des told me about them while I was at Samhuin camp and I have to say they do look like the source I need to be part of.
I have decided this is the life I want to lead; the morals and principles I stand for and am willing to give everything for.

I will stay on at college for the rest of this year then I will go to DartMoor for a time (I'll write a diary of the trip) then I'll be using Earth First! and any connexions I have to find another place to live, be it squat; eco-village or protest camp...

Going Down in Flames of Joy

Today i discussed my life with three people, all of them teachers, I told them about how I want to leave college and head out into the real world, I plan to WOOF (Work On Organic Farms) for a couple of years then live in Eco-villages and communes for the rest of my life, I want to live a simple life of work and protest...

'Cause Without Your Love My Life aint Nothing but this Carnival of Rust

As the trick or treaters work the town for a few more sugar coated mouthfuls, the night draws in and my life falls into a new shape, like a never ending hour-glass, I rethink everything I want from it and how to get to all of it.
I can't.
Let's be frank I want to go so many places, be so many things- I can't make them all. I will endeavor to live what I believe and try my hardest not to end up with a dead end job or stuck on benefits.

I will make a difference somehow...

To_Walk_the_Shores_of_Desolation

If nothing else I feel alone- a friend, whom I have known since last year but properly involved with only recently, is making plans to move away- to Devon to be exact. I want to stop her but without severing any links between us.
We had been making plans to do an 'extended tour' on DartMoor after the others had left, I don't know how serious she was then but it's going to be harder to organise now.
Besides I like her, I don't want to lose her, she's one of those people who you can never see too much of... *.*

Winter is fast approaching, I am trying to get to Samhuin camp to see a friend & I'm getting behind in college, if I drop out then maybe I'll get a job & try to get more money together & go live on the moor, Equinox to Equinox, it would be an incredible experience for me, a constant contact with & reliance upon the land.

Even if I have to live out my life without another human then I shall never be truly alone. The world is there, just waiting to be known.

Light up the Sky

I've been dreaming recently, perhaps it's just that I'm remembering them now. What ever it means; it is fascinating to see that side of my mind laid out before me; a couple of days ago I was walking along, beside a little brook, past fields and trees so ancient that moss and lichen formed an extra bark upon them; my idyl; when I woke I was so sure it had been real that I even tried to sing, I failed epically. The second dream I had I barely remember now; I was with a friend swimming in a canal; at night; we were watching as the sky lit up with flares and flashes, I still can't fathom why, but that is all I remember- the friend I was with has gone to uni now, last time I saw her she was convinced I fancy her and now she is gone I realise she may well be right there.

still college is going well, I dropped out of maths- the As is ridiculously hard, and took up philosophy instead along with physics and psychology. Philosophy is the only one I'm really enjoying though.
my artwork/writing is intermediate, I kinda put it on a back burner for now, I'm starting work on an iPod app with a friend.

I'm making plans to get as many people together as I can and go back to Dartmoor next summer, a group of my pagan and a group of my college friends would be just about perfect.

Well shit is happening and it is good shit for once (yeah check mah gangsta tongue). I am back into college, despite failing to get a better grade in English GCSE than last year (a D again), I am going on to do A levels, Maths, Physics and Psychology...
Later today I'm heading to a festival in Purton, not far from where I live, to be with some college friends who I haven't seen all summer. can't wait for that.
I am going to apply for a job in Cirencester working in a sweet shop (I know XP) hopefully I can get that.
Also I've decided that Paganism (more specifically Druidry) is my chosen belief, and want to go to be at another OBOD camp this year, perhaps crewing.

so that's my life, good luck and good reading...

I have found myself (and others)

A quick update on my life:
My trip to Dartmoor went OK- only one person came with me and we only lasted one night out there...

Since then I was asked to 'crew' for tat-down on a Druid camp a couple of counties away (I went there a couple of years back and loved it), anyway while I was there I found things that I have been looking for for many years and I have found a point in life now, a reason to live on and also that I go into anaphylaxic shock when stung by a wasp.
It's strange that a view of my own mortality can be combined with the place where I discovered my own immortality, the fact I can see what I have long believed- there is no real death; only time 'til re-birth.


While I was at the camp I met someone who I'd like to work with on a book writing project, he introduced me to nightwish. I love meeting new people.

(ps: naked saunas rule...)

Every day we're getting older...

I actually have someone else coming with me now!
He's a good friend (from college) and, hopefully, one of his friends will be coming too.

What ever this trip looks set to be good, I've checked the kit repeatedly and I'm kinda worried I'm going to wear it out before I get to use it...

[PS: I'll try to write a diary/journal to post up here while I am away...]

I'm gunna die (alone)... :(

Okay first things first: mum noticed that I'd stopped eating again, unfortunately for her great come-back into my life I had already noticed and remedied it.
I'm bored, there are no jobs out there and I don't want to remain at home, so (perhaps stupidly) I have decided I want to walk acoss Dartmoor I can't find anyone to go with and it's pretty stupid to go alone, in short- I'm not sure I want to be on a moor, alone with a storm bearing down on me and the Dartmoor Beast stalking the shadows. XS

Still if I do make it then I'll be trying to write a diary and directions for where I went so that if anyone ever feels like walking it they can do so in my footsteps.

"I Brought Down the Sky for You; But All You Did Was Shrug"

I can't sleep at all; my life seems to be blurring into some random blob.
(someone has already experienced this [I don't actually remember adding you; no offence meant])...

Life's kinda fucked right now (friends are back together but how long will it last..?) I'm trying to find a job, there are none, I need to complete a load of work before the end of the week and I can't see straight let alone type two thousand words on a subject I don't give a fuck about...


But the summer is coming and I have a few things I need to prepare for; if I manage it then it will be a great time, all I have to do is learn how to save... I'm completely screwed...

'Democratic Dictatorship...'

   This world we live in is degrading, not just climate change and pollution but the peoples are becoming more vicious, more brutal as they all struggle for the chance to rule even for a second...   Even I find myself thinking as they do, not sympathising but wanting to smash things, people, nations...
   But things are looking up, for me at least. The Summer is here at long last, I can't cope with winter anymore- I like the snow and all but the grey sky and cold win.
New life, love hope and freedom, but with friends fighting right, left and center (the same three friends at the bottom of it but they get others involed too easily) how long can it last?
   On the last day of term my ex (the one they're all after- it's very complicated and I don't really understand it properly) told me she had a 'way out' if they got too much; needless to say I over reacted (she's small and fairly frail, I panicked), turns out she only meant that she could move to New York, not Give Up.
   And life would go on, how I don't I can't quite understand; surely when someone is gone the world must falter a little, raise their thoughts in respectful consideration, but then we'd never get anywhere.

This Heart's on Fire. So Let Me Out!

 Friends are there for you when you fall and when you climb too high and need to be dragged back down to the ground, or at least closer than you were before.

  It's been a while since my last blog and quite a lot has happened since then; I came out as Bisexual/Bi-curious (most girls and some guys turn me on) I've tried to be there for my friends, I probably failed but I tried; that's what matters, isn't it? No; failing means you have done nothing possibly made the situation worse for them, good friends forgive and forget, but the best make you suffer for it (not by their own actions but by not telling you "It's OK, I'm fine, Don't worry about it". That way you don't do it again, and they don't seem indifferent to you...

I had to say that. And this too:

   I want the right to choose when, where and how I will die, it's my death after all.

Screw you if you can't accept that.

I'm not trying to be beatiful, witty, clever or impress anyone (a "Well done" would be nice) this is just how I am, thankyou for everything you have/haven't done to/for me (respectively).

Pondering the thoughts of the dead.

  Hi,

 I got reading some other blogs and am horrified by the annorexia I keep finding - when you have seen your freinds starve themselves for no apparent reason, when they start collapsing on you it's agony. Please people stop- it is hideous seeing people that thin.

  On a brighter note  the sun is here (being Britain it's only weak haze but it looks set to be a beautiful summer) life is going to get interestingfrom here on - my awareness has awoken from it's hibernation and my drawing/writing skills are improving daily- if I can out the days of my existence then I can definately live them.

Hi. I haven't used this yet so here's my first blog:

  (I probably should read someone elses blog to see how it's done but hey)

 I'm on my easter holidays from college (that's British college, not the American kind) it's so boring- I can't drive yet; I'm broke and I can't see any of my freinds without money because they all live outside of my town.

 Time seems to move so slowly when you are bored, nothing to speed it up, even my birthday is not something I am looking forward to- I have to see my relatives too much as it is but to seem grateful for whatever overly imaginative gift they bring ("Just stick to nothing, money or itunes"- every year I tell them I'd rather them give it all to chartity because I already have too much crap in my small room but no 'That's boring').

  This is probably not what you wantedto find on the internet; but hey, hopefully the next one will be more convensional.